Storms in Life, Part 2

Trust

Maybe the best way to explain some of the lessons I have learnt is simply by sharing experiences I have had.  One of the biggest and most impacting storm I had to face was 2 1/2 years ago when my cousin died in a river gorging accident.  A group of students from his school entered the river with an instructor, and at the same time a first storm of summer hit the dry area.  This caused flooding beyond what was normally expected, the group got into trouble and 7 of them drowned... one being my cousin.

Of course the night that it happened sits in the forefront of my memory, and the next few days I spent at my cousins house trying to help however I could... sharing a bed with my younger cousin more for comfort than anything else.

Where was God in it all?  We asked many questions in our time of grief, I remember lying next to my cousin Lauren talking about the promises God gives us in the Bible, verses we could remember and things about the character of God.  I don't remember being angry at the time, for a while you are carried along by all the activity and having so much family around.  It wasn't till I came back to Taupo, away from my family in Auckland that things really started to get hard.

For a little while I fell into a bit of depression, which is pretty normal and to be expected in times of grief.  I had to hide photos and newspaper articles I had away in a drawer because although I wanted to keep them, looking at it just made me cry.  There were a lot of tears through the 9 months following, they would come unexpectedly sometimes... my heart hurt so bad for my family who had lost their brother and son.  Every time it came up in the news I would want to leave the room, but at the same time I wanted to know what they were saying.

Over time the pain has ebbed, I am grateful that hearts can heal.  But healing came slowly, and all through the process I had to lean on the little trust I had in God to help me with my unanswered questions. 

A quote I love from the Shack reads like this…

“As much as you are able, rest in what trust you have in me, no matter how small…”

Jesus talks about faith the size of a mustard seed moving mountains, and sometimes for me I think my trust is about the size of a mustard seed.  I constantly wonder at how God works, why things take so long and if I will ever see my hearts desires come true.  Ultimately he is so much more good, and powerful and overseeing everything, that we cannot begin to understand what he is doing that we might not be able to see.

My homegroup studied Job earlier this year and the way God replies to all Job’s questions really has remained a constant reminder to me of who God is.  Out of a whirlwind God says this…

“Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words?  Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer. 

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?  Tell me, if you know so much.

Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying?

What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?”

Job 38v2-6

He is so good to us, always offering us mercy and grace.  He is so patient, allowing us to come to Him when we are ready.  What kind of God do we serve that promises that…

“God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Romans 8v28

So even the hardest trials, we can be assured that no matter how terrible, God will use that time to draw us closer to him.  For me it meant learning once again to trust that He is good, and above all He loves me with a love that will never dull down.  I know that He collects my tears and understands my grief.  He will never leave and although I might turn away from Him, he will always remain faithful and trustworthy.